Music & Me
Music always had a special place for me. Starting from early days when I was ashamed of listening to music in front of my parents for some reason. To the point where it started making sense. I always liked music with meaning even as a child. It gave me an identity.
Growing up I listened to Green Day on repeat because it made me feel like I have an identity. Going through puberty in a tier 2 city of India in a time when no one was listening to Green Day especially from the high school I was attending. I liked the rebellious spirit of their music that said I am different but that doesn’t mean I am abnormal. For example “American Idiot” is an anthem of individuality and rebellion. It encourages listeners to think critically, reject societal pressures, and refuse to follow blindly the ideologies dictated by politicians, corporations, or the media. I wanna be the minority, Down with the moral majority. It helped me find a voice that I’m not alone going through frustration, alienation, and defiance against societal norms because I didn’t like the “culture” I was a part of. The album Dookie and the song basket case lived rent free for a very long time. The American Idiot album with layers of meaning just had a different impact on me while growing up.
Next part of my life was covered by Nirvana; the grunge “unpolished” sound made me feel like I don’t give a fuck about what others gonna think of me. I’m gonna do and say what I believe in, because my beliefs are me. Nirvana dethroned polished pop and glam rock of the 1980s. With their Nevermind album they ended up outselling Michael Jackson’s Dangerous. If there is one man to this day that I deeply admire and consider him a living image of being a true role model as an artist despite his issues would be Kurt Cobain. He was unfiltered and honest, both in his art and in how he lived. He conveyed even as a public figure it’s okay to feel insecure. He was one person, had no “social media celebrity life”. He wasn’t a rockstar or a celeb, he was Kurt Cobain. Like him or not, he is who he is and he didn’t hesitate to speak about issues!
I was insecure on how I looked while growing up. Making peace with myself and loving who I am was taught by these two bands.
I had a run where I listened to different spectrums of metal music. Also, some Linkin Park and Eminem.
My “normal life” changed, I moved out of town, started living on my own with this my music taste changed.
Red Hot Chili Peppers. Under the bridge. I called this song my “national anthem” in 2017/18. I was out of my hometown, fighting loneliness, alienation, and finding solace in this connection to the city which had beautiful buildings during a difficult time. I started to make myself feel at home whenever I see a building that I like. That’s true even today in my current city. I was heavily inspired by John Frusciante’s art on his guitar. That man is straight up gifted. I studied him and the song, so that I can play this song perfectly on guitar.
Then comes the biggest shift in my music taste. For all these years I just chose to listen to music from the west until 2020/21 when I started to fall in love with a new genre. I came across an artist names Kr$na, and oh man, I felt like someone is speaking to me in my own language about my hardships and life and how there’s light in the end of the tunnel. My national anthem changed. From songs like Dream and Kaha Tak by Krsna made me feel like he is narrating my life story and it’s in the same order as the verses flow by. His music style with complexity and entendres made me fall in love with this genre called Desi Hip Hop.
I discovered many artists early on before they blew up and I am glad I am part of that culture. A lot of songs, EPs, and albums have impacted my life. I’ll write more about that in coming weeks.
Moments like Chadhai being played automatically on my autoplay while I got the news that I have the job I REALLY NEEDED and wanted felt like no less than a movie scene.
Right now I don’t listen to as much lyrical hip-hop. I am into trap. Yes, I speak Trapnese. I feel like I’ve started to slowly crawl out of my struggling phase, I’m far from home and still here but I’ve started to like laid back flex trappy songs now. I am enjoying my Broke Flex era.
Recently, I discovered the artist by the name of Jaiyash. I love his art. It’s very “western” and he is making music on the side, for his bread and butter he streams and does comedy but he’s a far better musician. I have immense respect for people who “do it on the side” like Joji who made it big in the music industry. Another artist that stole the spot for the best song of the year was AFKAP with his song Waapsi. Bro is from India, living far from home to pay his bills, but makes music in his free time. His EP Parat is a masterpiece. Again feels like someone spoke my heart out.
I am not a shy person, I speak my heart out. But I have always felt alone. Hearing someone talk about my issues and struggles make me feel comfortable and home.